Before Coffee
In 2015 I travelled Cambodia with my friend Heather, who would cross paths with a group of boys she knew back home. Our small girl duo was soon flooded with testosterone; thankfully, they were without a single doubt the funniest guys I have ever met. I quickly admired the English sense of humour, which consisted of self-deprecation and complaining about absolutely everything.
Over the week, we endured, yes endured the wildest of experiences. Whether it was getting trapped in a falsely advertised “air-conditioned” room, scratching or skin raw from bed bugs, fleeing our burning hostel, or recovery from nights we can’t remember. As a group, we learned what Asia had to offer in all its glory.
Anyway, over that hectic week, Max and I, in particular, became great friends; he was the pack leader, and this girl needed direction. So, saying goodbye was unusually tough; I would be lying if I said I didn’t shed a tear. It was tough to become such good friends and experience so many highs and lows to be left with the reality that I wouldn’t see him again. Thankfully, nine months later, I accidentally ended up in London, home of the Queen and Max.
It was a surreal moment first seeing him home; who was this clean, groomed man? Although once we got on push bikes and explored London as if we had nine lives, I knew the crazy, adventurous, consistently high spirit Max hadn’t changed at all.
I am so excited and a bit nervous about this long-overdue chat with Max. I can’t wait to see what the nerdy boy who decorated his wall with chemical equations has gone on to do.
Questions
1. Where is your favourite place?
M: “I’d have to say India, a considerable culture shock, but it’s impressive on every level. Firstly, the food is through the roof; I suppose being a vegetarian all my life, I was in my element. I just love that everything is different, the north from the south, fashion, it all. I just had the most fantastic time; I saw incredible things. I suppose at that age, it humbled me and left me appreciative. Walking down the street was a lesson learning experience”.
2. Are you afraid of dying?
M: “I don’t find the process that scary; I like it in a sense. It reminds us that we are a tiny speak. So in a way, it’s comforting; nothing matters, although I don’t find it a reason not to try. We are so lucky to have this time on earth, and we should embrace that”.
3. What age do you think you should settle down?
M: “I imagine it will change, but I think mid-thirties, 35 seems like a nice age. I never get when people rush it; the idea of settling down, buying a house and living in that area forever just doesn’t appeal to me. I think you need to live with people and do the hard yards. So I think when I feel more content with what I have seen and done, it will appeal more”.
4. What is your favourite quote?
M: “None but ourselves can free our minds” – Bob Marley
After Coffee
One word – Woah.
I always knew Max was going to amount to something, those traits of giftedness only entail that level of success when instilled into the right people, and it was always clear he was. But we will get back to that!
On Saturday the 24th of July, Max and I were scheduled for our conversation; ironically, it would turn out to be the same day that the city of Sydney had an anti-lockdown protest. I was devastated and almost rescheduled because I wanted to present my best happy self after so much time. But Max was one of my favourite people I’ve met, and I was already remorseful that so much time had passed that I couldn’t let this opportunity slide. Despite how I felt the moment we connected, the camera turned on, it was pure joy, and we picked up right where we left. Once we had a brief fill in the years, we arrived at the now. Of course, the now, no matter who you are and where you are from, is the Coronavirus pandemic.
It was quite the contrast as we were plummeting further into extended lockdowns; a mere seven-day earlier, Max was celebrating (if that’s the right word) the UK’s much-vaunted “Freedom Day”. For a moment, I felt jealous and sought to gain knowledge on his experiences in isolation, coping mechanisms etc. Within moments I realized I was the biggest narcissistic idiot. Don’t get me wrong; I watch the news – sometimes. I knew things were dire but putting a familiar face to it and learning its effects was different.
While I knew the reported case numbers in the UK, I was stunned to discover that Max contracted the virus. I think the only thing more surprising was his surprise, to my surprise. He couldn’t believe that I didn’t have a long list of names who had it. To listen to someone you care about share their experiences and hardships hit home, and I was completely overwhelmed by emotion. Learning that his mum came out of retirement as a nurse to help on the front lines again was another heart-warming story of inspiration.
While I could go on all day, this conversation isn’t about covid; it will probably intertwine itself along the way due to Max work and the lessons I have learnt. But, for now, it’s time to change the narrative and talk about Max.
Firstly, if being a good person is defined by character, someone who comports themselves with dignity and respect for others, Max is exceptional. He completed his Bachelor and master’s, looking at cancer cell biology and clinical trials. Then, being the overachiever he is, he has done a PhD at the Great Ormond Street Hospital for Children to research and treat rare diseases in children. While it’s easy to believe I was in awe because of his meaningful work, it’s not wholly accurate. I take rejoice in the fact that he is disciplined in his pursuit of goals without seeking gratification. Listening to him talk about it all, it was clear that he does this line of work because it makes him genuinely happy and what a way to lead a career.
Days before our conversation, he even published a report of a study he conducted on the effects of covid during pregnancy. He concluded that the baby is safe in normal pregnancy as the virus cannot pass through the placenta. It may have taken some time to explain to a simpleton like myself the graphs in the paper, but we eventually got there. I couldn’t help but think how beneficial this knowledge would be during pregnancy, not only physically but mentally. I have linked his paper here: https://d197for5662m48.cloudfront.net/documents/publicationstatus/66502/preprint_pdf/19527e14015dfce8ec35188ea20af711.pdf
But it doesn’t end there; his lab performs groundbreaking work, such as utilizing stem cells to grow an engineered oesophagus. Further information can be found here because despite reading the article 6 times, I am out of my depth trying to articulate: New tab (nihr.ac.uk)
Also, I think it’s imperative to note that not once during our conversation did Max ever make me feel small or try and show off. On the opposite, I almost wanted to politely tell him to shut up asking me questions so I could uncover more. It was undoubtedly a thought-provoking, IQ raising conversation that I got completely lost in. Thinking about it now, I realise I always gravitated towards Max because of his charm; he has never looked over anybody’s shoulder, even when many in his position would take the opportunity to do so. Even before he became one of the most inspiring people I know, I witnessed a young man in Asia and Europe practice regularly putting himself in other’s shoes, never denying anyone their intrinsic value. Even when we spoke about rioters and protestors against covid (okay, we’re back), he validated my feelings yet took the time to offer a new perspective.
Whilst I could go on all day, in keeping word count in mind, Ill attempt to sum up some covid/ life lessons Max has imparted on me, so here goes nothing.
It turns out the saying you “never know what you have until it’s gone” becomes ever more evident during the harshest of times. In listening and reminiscing with Max about things that now seem like privileges, I couldn’t help but feel that sometimes the things we cherish the most are the same things we walk right by. However, these times of abrasive change also allow us to capture a perspective that we may never have had otherwise. Every day since our conversation, I seek perspective and refocus when it’s hard to find a reason to be optimistic. I think about people like Max who show up and contribute something to life, which gives so much promise for tomorrow. The crazy thing is, if it wasn’t for lockdown, I may have never reconnected with Max, not grasping what a loss it would have been. So that’s the silver lining, reconnecting and discovering that I crossed paths in a $4 a night hostel with one of the most interesting people ever.
So Max, Thank you for your day with me; what a person you are; I cannot wait to see what you do next!
PARIS HAILWOOD 
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