Before Coffee
In 2018, I was in Xi’an, China, unable to sleep in a 16-person dorm. So naturally, I did what any weary traveller would do; I pulled out my phone and began scrolling through Instagram of all the places I wanted to go. I don’t know why I remember it so vividly, but I searched the hashtag Darvaza Gas Crater in Turkmenistan. I was so mesmerized I would end up spending over an hour lost in the scroll, but then one image stood out among the rest. So, I clicked on the account, admired the photos, saw this mystery person venturing the famous silk road, and hit follow to join the journey, hypothetically. To my surprise, I would get a follow back, still unaware of the face behind the account.
A few months went by, and I was back home in Sydney; being the basic girl I am, I would tag a location on my Instagram story, to which this account would write back questioning my location status. As luck would have it, we quite literally lived minutes from one another, which meant that it was now my obligation to meet this Sam guy in person. After a quick coffee and a sprint to work, we wouldn’t meet up again in Sydney. Until luck would have it again, when over six months later I would visit my mum in Tasmania, tag another Instagram story, to which he would respond saying, “I am here too”. Poor Sam would join my family for dinner as I was only there for a night and again saw it as an obligation to meet.
I’ll admit, it’s rather odd going into this conversation because while I don’t know Sam, apart from a mere 4 hours in person, he almost feels like an old friend. But, for now, I will put that down to our shared similar experiences, mainly travelling. We both seemed to be made of the same sort of DNA whereby staying in one place too long is a sin.
I am looking forward to our conversation because I have no idea how he will answer any questions.
Questions
1. What is your dream job?
S: “A documentary filmmaker.”
2. What is your favourite quote?
S: “To win, you gotta be a bastard.”
P: “Wasn’t expecting that”
S: “Of course, it’s honourable to play the right way, but sometimes you have to be cheeky, play on the line of the rules, and take risks.”
3. Are you happy with who you are?
S: “Yes, I do feel pleased with who I am; I do have flaws, but I know I always try to do the right thing.”
P: “What do you consider your flaws?”
S: “Well, if I were more decisive, that would be convenient. Taking jobs, for example, I can see myself doing anything – army, scientist, photographer, you can sell me anything”.
(I am starting to think we are the same person)
4. What is an idea you wish would change?
S: “I wish we were more accepting of starting a new career multiple times across our lives and could rid the idea of one role or another branch of that role forever. I think we should be more focused on experiences, in your thirties, you try this, in your forties that. As human beings, we are naturally passionate about so many things, and in this one life we should be learning and trying as much as you can while you can”.
5. Who is your hero?
S: “The British MP Jo Cox, who was murdered for her political ideals, mainly the increase in refugees. She was aware of the risk to her life yet preserved. That’s courage, that’s a legacy”.
(I had never heard of Jo Cox before Sam mentioned her, but his admiration for her led me to investigate further. He was right, what a woman, person, mother, inspiration – she is now one of my heroes)
After Coffee
It’s been two weeks since Sam and I sat down for coffee, the necessary time required to investigate my theory, which is- Travel broadens the mind, but can it alter the brain?
I was left with this thought as I felt like Sam was quite literally reading my mind. Every single word about every single topic aligned with my values and ideas. I have never experienced this before, admittedly I have no problem with a good old disagreement, but Sam left no room. So, my hypothesis literally steamed from the question, why do I find him so agreeable? The journey was long and arduous; countless scientific journals, Neuroscientists Ted-talks, podcasts, and, I suppose, common sense led me to the answer: Yes! I’ll save you the details, mainly because I barely understand them enough to regurgitate, but it does or can. A trip to Bali doesn’t count.
Anyway, moving on, when I started this blog, I never intended only to flatter people, honestly. I was hoping to learn the good and the bad, but yet again was let down with the bad. By the end of our conversation, I had six pages of good qualities and inspiring content that was a difficult feat to summarise – but here goes.
Firstly, something that stood out is Sam’s awareness that the way we perceive ourselves isn’t who we are and that underneath all our self-imagined importance is just an ordinary person. I connected, in particular, to his lessons from previous relationships. Like Sam and most, we get caught up in the idea of a person rather than the actual person. We like the sound of degrees, job titles, foreign accents, and fun trips away, but when it comes down to it all, what matters most is simply enjoying their presence and how they make you feel. This topic also extended into social media and how we abuse it to shine a light on our best moments as if they’re all we have. I couldn’t help but reflect on our tendency to show people that life is amazing, even though were depressed. It was a conversation that I really enjoyed and perhaps needed, especially with Sam. While he is stupidly bright (physics nerd), he is empathetic and can articulate and make sense of things whereby you never feel small or judged. He is an oxymoron, an old school, new world kind of guy.
Next, and perhaps the quality I admire most, is his courage and capacity to trust people and make friends. I think these qualities stand out the most because I have noticed that we tend to live our lives defined by terror. When we experience something new and unknown, such as travel, we are taught to be afraid of everything, “watch your bag, don’t be too loud, act like a local”, comments that create fear and barriers. I am not suggesting that we shouldn’t be mindful; of course, there are evil people out there, but they are a minority, and the only antidote to terror is trust. And honestly, Sam the Englishman is a perfect representation of these values; he is kind to people, goes after the things he wants, wishes to make the world a better place, and trusts other people. I can’t help but believe that all his wild journeys, which I have no doubt have left him at the mercy of others, has made him that way and the person he is.
It’s funny, as I got up to make a tea just then, I read an Abraham Lincoln quote I have on my fridge, it reads, “And in the end, it’s not the years in your life that count; it’s the life in your years.” I couldn’t help but relate this to Sam, I may have learnt that he fears death, but when I apply it to his life thus far, I can’t help but think he lives his life in sync with those famous words. Still, in his twenties, he has filled his life with experiences people chase forever.
Final thought, Sam challenges the traditional trajectory that many of us take and think. If you don’t know him, it would be easy to tag him as being a romantic, or a fantasist, or bonkers (couldn’t help myself), but the thing is, if he says he will do it, he always does. Over the last few years, by following his journey, I have learnt the world has more to offer than your everyday routine, and we should never stop the pursuit of excellence and the desire to surpass the limits we set for ourselves.
I am not sure when we will see each other again, if not my television screen because you’ve made it on love island, I have no doubt it will be somewhere incredible.
P.S. the family says hi, and they miss you.
PARIS HAILWOOD 
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