Before Coffee:
Michael is a colleague at my work; in fact, he was the person who gave me my job – so I suppose you could say he changed my life due to his significant input and redirection of it. My first opinion of Michael was- introverted, well-spoken, and highly professional. Every time I met him, I felt I needed to be my best self in a professional sense and tone down the crazy as much as possible. When he called me to offer the position, I was incredibly shocked because he gave up no hints that he enjoyed my presence, in fact, the opposite. On my first day, as a matter of chance, I would be seated in front of no other than Michael; I was nervous because how we projected ourselves was the opposite. Like so many of us often do, I let the façade and false narrative that he didn’t like me become a barrier to even starting the simplest conversations. A good lesson: don’t overthink, perhaps better don’t care. Although in work settings, I’d go for don’t overthink, be mindful.
It turns out, Michael and I would become incredible friends, solidified by similar political and ideological views, soft-serve ice cream, late night meme exchanges, and so, so, so much laughter. I knew he was a true friend the first time without thinking, forgetting he was a colleague, I sent a jokingly abusive message when he opted home over the office. To my defence, he genuinely betrayed me, and I wouldn’t carry on like such a psycho if I didn’t like him. In hindsight, perhaps the luck of the draw being placed right before him was one of those moments where you believe everything happens for a reason. I am incredibly interested in having this long and overdue chat with him. It’s an odd feeling knowing this time I’ll be the one who sits down with him and essentially does the interviewing; I’ll try not to let such power and freedom go to my head—joking, of course, well, kind of.
Questions:
1. What are you passionate about?
M: “Motorbikes, metal music, and video games.”
2. Who is your personal hero?
**gentle whispers**
M: “This is so corny, but my mum, because she’s awesome.”
P: “How though”
M: “Where do I start? Putting up with me, looking out for me, checking in just to make sure I am okay, she does just love me and keeps me well orientated”.
3. Your favourite quote?
“The atoms of our bodies are traceable to stars that manufactured them in their cores and exploded these enriched ingredients across our galaxy, billions of years ago. For this reason, we are biologically connected to every other living thing in the world. We are chemically connected to all molecules on Earth. And we are atomically connected to all atoms in the universe. We are not figuratively, but literally stardust.”
― Neil deGrasse Tyson
After Coffee:
Well, first things first, it turns out Italian Michael hates coffee, and you can quite literally stare at someone 9-5, 5 days a week and not even know the simplest of things. But, weirdly, coffee does tell you a lot about a person; well, at I believe I have found a correlation between his calm, composed nature.
After our chat, I couldn’t stop thinking about one of our topics- passing. Michael shared a personal story about loss, the pain of internalizing and withholding grief, and the enduring effect this causes. It made me think about how each of us does this because we often feel that sharing complex stories is a burden. It is not and hearing him speak so openly and courageous about it made me deeply reflect on many, many things.
Another moment that surprised me was how I asked about image, personal likes and dislikes, and how he hoped people would describe him. Listening to his answers was particularly challenging as he tended to be overly critical. It occurred to me that the perception we hold about ourselves is often vastly different from what others may think. Michael tended to focus on what he believed his negative attributes were. Funny enough these would be the same things I liked him most for.
I must say finding out what he was passionate about didn’t come as a shock, a good sign of genuine friendship. Although, after their not so surprising reveal, he said, “I know you hate everything I just said”. I was a bit taken back because I don’t recall saying I’m not too fond of those things. Then I realized I didn’t have to because I tend to define myself in opposition to stuff and become anti stuff. When I am asked what kind of music I like, I tend to offer answers negatively, such as “I hate aggressive, loud music”. Somewhere along the way, I built a wall with Michael whereby he didn’t share certain aspects of what made him happy because he thought I’d hate it or become judgemental. At that moment, I made a promise to Michael that I would give his music a chance, and he was right – his music was pretty good. Honestly, it wasn’t what I would opt for, but I suppose this time I knew why he loved it, so when I listened to it, I saw his perspective.
I could go on all day, and despite him permitting me to write as I please, selfishly, I want to be the guardian of that much of that information. I think primarily because of how much everything Michael and I spoke about has made me think. Days later, I still find myself reading papers and trying to understand these complexities. Although, I think our conversation and the areas explored ended up as a reminder of the importance of dealing more kindlier with each other.
Final note, Michael, I don’t know if you will read this, but I am beyond happy you took the time to sit with me and have a chat. You are an extraordinary friend, a wonderful, intelligent, kind, funny person. I appreciate you constantly checking in, listening to my ridiculous commentary, and being exactly as you are. I can’t wait to be back in the office, experimenting with ice cream flavours on our lunch break, oh and doing stuff outside of work. I cannot wait for golf and a blend of country, metal music. True friendship is about compromise!
PARIS HAILWOOD 
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