Before Coffee
I met Larissa at 12 years of age in our first year of high school, and what an incredible journey has transpired. I think any friendship that can endure those troubled teenage years and come out stronger than before is one that is bound for life.
Over the last 13 years, she has, without a single doubt, been one of the most consistent figures in my life, despite distance and the differing paths we have undertaken. Ultimately, I think it was because we were fundamental in each other’s lives at such a vulnerable, impressionable age. In many ways, we kept each balanced just enough where we never fell off the rails. This isn’t to suggest we didn’t make terrible mistakes along the way, we certainly did, but in hindsight, maybe these are the most incredible memories of all. Even writing this now, I find myself giggling, flooded by memories of a time in our life we will never get back. Casting my mind to our teenage years has made me reflect on the importance of going through that period with people who only wish to see you happy, in whatever version of yourself that may be.
I’ve always noted Larissa’s maturity to be beyond her years. She was always the most supportive, least judgmental person I knew, and I think the knowledge that she would always be there for me was why I was never terrified to fail. So going into this conversation, I am confident I will know most of her answers. I also predict we will not be drinking coffee.
Some Questions
1. Your dream job?
L: “Phycologist, I have always been fascinated by it and naturally gravitate towards it. I like reading about trauma, and emotionally abusive relationships. Not because I want them but because they’re a reality and we need to be able to identify red flags and heal”.
P: “Why didn’t you pursue it?”
L: “Honestly, when I left high school there was so much pressure on me to go to university, I mean I had too. Looking back, I needed time to live and have my own experiences outside of what is considered the normal path. By the time I worked it out, I was older, had university dept. I really think it’s important that parents let kids choose their own path”.
2. Relationship Advice
L: “The warning signs can feel like butterflies, watch out for the red flags. If something doesn’t feel right, it’s probably not”.
3. At what age do you think people should settle down?
L: “Everyone is ready to settle down at different times. I think it’s a question people seriously need to consider, not necessary the age but if they are ready. The worse thing you can do is lead someone on. Honestly, I think for men, it’s later; they want fun and freedom. For women, maybe it’s earlier, the idea of stability. I can’t give a figure”.
4. Do you fear getting older?
L: “Not really; I fear that I am not using my time wisely while I’m young and that I am letting time slip by. Although I have to remind myself that 25 is young, I think we become more delusional and self-conscious of our age as we get older. We put so much pressure on ourselves in our twenties to think we should have it worked out to start our thirties. Our twenties are the years to go on a journey, change degrees, try different jobs, date and work out what works. If you do that, use your time wisely, have no regrets except the few inevitable; I don’t think you should fear getting older”.
5. Do you like who you are now?
L: “I do. I mean, I love being a mum; I love Levi. I think it’s been a tough journey, though, and the way I imagined things would be, have not eventuated. I need to accept my situation more than I do, but I am doing my best, so I suppose I can be proud of that”.
6. As a boy mum, what do you want to teach Levi?
L: “Firstly, I want to make him feel comfortable about expressing his emotions, and just because he is a boy, he doesn’t have to suppress them. Also, while I want to be a good mum and make his life as easy as possible, I don’t want to just give him everything. As soon as he is old enough to do so, I want him to take on responsibilities, especially in the home. Make his bed, do the dishes, and realise that gender base roles are old ideas. I suppose that I want him to respect women – yeah, respect women is a big one. If I can do that, I think I’ve succeeded as a mum”.
After Coffee
Honestly, I cannot say that I am surprised with Larissa’s answers, I mean, she is my best friend, and that sort of friendship knows no bounds. Although, what did become clearer is the differing spiritual beliefs we hold and how we make sense of the things that happen to us. As a front-row observer of Larissa’s life, there have been many times I’ve sat in admiration wondering how she can hold herself together, push through, never complain, adapt, and come out the other side better. So, perhaps I would be better if I applied her views into my own life and moving forward, I know I need to make more of an effort to be open-minded.
Something consolidated after our chat was just how lucky I am to have Larissa as someone I have shared more than half my life with. It’s so true that in life, who you hang around with makes you who you are. If you hang around snobs, you’ll become a snob; if you hang around prejudice, you’ll become prejudice. So the notion “show me your friends, and I’ll tell you who you are” isn’t just some made-up phase, at least I hope not because I want people to think we’re similar.
A final note here’s what I have learnt through Larissa; I know when you have hopes and dreams and things to look forward to, it is fundamental that you have people in place who support and push you. You need people who will be there through everything, all the breakdowns, breakups, and breakthroughs. This gives you a reason to live because you recognise how your life and happiness is not solely your own. For me, I’ve been lucky enough to have that in Larissa, so my simple wish for everyone is to share similar friendships. I cannot wait to see where life takes us, although I am in no rush!
Ps. I was right about the wine.
PARIS HAILWOOD 
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